Part of SCENE 1…
BILLY GOAT ONE appears. TREVOR sits up and sees the goat. GOAT ONE falls to his knees and starts to beg.)
GOAT ONE
Oh no Mr Troll! Please don’t eat me!
TREVOR
Eat you?
GOAT ONE
Yes, you know…I come trip trapping up…
TREVOR
Trip trapping?
GOAT ONE
Yes…and you say…“I’m going to eat you….”
TREVOR
I do?
GOAT ONE
Yes and I say “Oh no…please don’t eat me…my brother’s much bigger…” And you say…
TREVOR
Why?
GOAT ONE
No…not “Why?”…you say “OK. Then…I’ll wait for him” and I go, you know, trip trapping off.
TREVOR
Trip trapping off? What does that even mean?
Part of SCENE 2
GOAT ONE
Miss! Miss! Help us…please!
(GOLDILOCKS turns, sees the goats and becomes alarmed. She falls to her knees, hands clasped in prayer.)
GOLDILOCKS
Please, please, don’t eat me! I’m sorry! I didn’t know what I was doing! I’ll pay for the chair…or my dad will anyway…
GOAT ONE
What? What are you on about?
GOLDILOCKS
I’m so sorry! I’ll make some more porridge…and wash the sheets…and…
GOAT TWO
Eh?
GOLDILOCKS
(She drops her hands.) I can see you’re kind bears really…Yes. You’ve got kind faces and nice eyes.
GOAT ONE
Bears? Really?
GOLDILOCKS
Aren’t you?
GOAT TWO
No!
GOLDILOCKS
And you’re not…like…going to eat me up?
GOAT ONE
Of course not.
GOAT ONE
Honestly! Do we look like bears?
GOLDILOCKS
No…I can see that now. (pause) You’re just sheep.
GOAT TWO
What? Again with the sheep!
GOAT TWO
Surely you can see that we’re goats?
GOLDILOCKS
Yeah – goats. I can see that now with the horns and beards and that. Silly me.
Part of SCENE 4.
(TREVOR is sleeping under the bridge, snoring very loudly. He occasionally turns and mutters inaudibly to himself. CINDERELLA enters in her “domestic” clothes. She is carrying one glass slipper. She approaches the bridge.)
CINDERELLA (coughs)
Ahem…Ahem…excuse me!
TREVOR (sitting up suddenly)
What? Who? Eh? Where am I?
CINDERELLA
Hi…Hello…sorry to disturb you and that…
TREVOR
I was sleeping. Who are you anyway?
CINDERELLA
Oh…yes…sorry…right…I’m Cinderella. But you can call me Cinders.
TREVOR
Cinders? Anyway, Cinderella (pause) who are you?
CINDERELLA
But…but…Don’t you know me? I’m the famous Cinderella! You know…“You shall go to the Ball”…and all that.
TREVOR
This isn’t going to be about football is it?
CINDERELLA
No…no…I mean The Ball…you know…the dance? Fairy Godmother…handsome Prince…yes?
TREVOR
I think I’m still dreaming…goodnight. (He lies back down.)
CINDERELLA
But please…I’m sorry…It’s only a little thing…
TREVOR
(sitting up) What’s little?
CINDERELLA
My slipper – my glass slipper. I’ve lost it you see.
TREVOR
Careless. Does this look like a lost property office to you?
CINDERELLA
No…no…I didn’t mean that. It’s just that I lost it, I think, over there. (She points to the other side of the bridge.) I think it fell off when I was running away from the Ball.
TREVOR
No wonder your team lost…playing in glass slippers… running away from the ball.