Transylvania Dreaming by Jane Page

Running time approx. 50mins.
It’s extraordinary where the quest for a decent cup of tea will take you! The Monster’s first port of call is the neighbouring vampire family but, of course, they don’t drink “boiled leaves with cow juice”, so the Monster has to search elsewhere. This takes him on a journey through a strange land where he meets two Bobbits known as Frida and Bilba. They go exploring inside the mountain and he finds a creature called Swollum. (Are you beginning to get the flavour of this?) After an encounter with a werewolf and King Kong, it all gets resolved in the end. This is all delightfully tongue in cheek and punctuated with parodies of well-known songs. Surely you remember “Maria…Maria…I just bit a girl called Maria” or the popular classic
“The way you wear your bolt,
the way you sip your tea,
the memory of it all,
no, no, they can’t take that away from me”

16 SPEAKING PARTS. YOU COULD POSSIBLY ADD A SINGING/DANCING CHORUS.
Songs that are spoofed in the play:
Tonight (West Side Story)
I Feel Pretty (West Side Story)
Maria (West Side Story)
Tea for Two (Doris Day)
They Can’t Take That Away From Me(Frank Sinatra)
A Nice Cup of Tea (Binnie Hale)
My Favourite Things (Sound of Music)
The Sound of Music ( Sound of Music)
Wilkommen (Cabaret)
It’s Only Rock and Roll (The Stones)

Our scripts provide links to backing tracks for the songs, which can be purchased and downloaded for a very modest fee. As with all our plays, there are full production notes that give advice on scenery, costumes, and props.
NO ROYALTIES, PHOTOCOPYING LICENCE INCLUDED.

Here’s a sample

PART OF ACT 1 SCENE 1
Mad scientist laboratory at midnight. A top hat hangs from an elaborate hat stand upstage. MONSTER lies on a central bench, feet towards the audience. On a tray by the bench is a hammer, chisel, saw, large tube of plumber’s sealant, sandpaper, hairdryer.

FX THUNDER, LIGHTNING

Enter Dr. Frankenstein. He goes over to the body, picks up a hammer and chisel and makes adjustments to the body on the slab.

DR.F
Igor!

(enter IGOR )

IGOR
Yes Master?
DR.F
Where is the brain?
IGOR
The brain?
DR.F
Yes, I sent you out to get me the finest brain in all Transylvania.
IGOR
Well there was a little difficulty, Master.
DR.F
Difficulty, what difficulty?
IGOR
The finest brain in all Transylvania belongs to Dr. Finkel on the other side of the mountain.

DR.F
So?
IGOR
He didn’t want to give it to me.
DR.F
Do not bring your little problems to me, Igor! I am a Genius! I cannot be bothered by all these details, I have my grand work to complete – to create my own, my very own son! Why did you not just kill Dr. Finkel and take his brain?
IGOR
He had it locked up in a cupboard, Master.
DR.F
He had his own brain locked up in a cupboard? That Dr. Finkel is one very strange man.
IGOR
Maybe I should explain, Master, it wasn’t his very own brain, no – that was in his head. Ha ha, it would be pretty difficult for a man to keep his own brain locked up in a cupboard, eh Master?
DR.F
Pretty difficult, Igor. Although… maybe not impossible. . .I shall have to think about this. So whose brain is it that is locked in Dr. Finkel’s cupboard?
IGOR
Dr. Einstein’s brain.
DR.F
Ah! Certainly Dr. Einstein is a very clever man.
IGOR
Not any more, Master – not since Dr. Finkel stole his brain.
DR.F
No, I can see he might find that a bit of a handicap. But then why did you not steal Dr. Einstein’s brain from Dr. Finkel’s cupboard?

IGOR
I tried, Master, but the brain didn’t want to come. It said it had nearly reached a conclusion on the Meaning of Life and the Essential Interconnectedness of All Things and it didn’t want to be interrupted.
DR.F
So? And what did you do? I need a brain, Igor!
IGOR
Don’t worry, Master, I took the brain of Dr. Finkel’s fifteen year old son. (pause) He wasn’t using it.
DR.F
He wasn’t using it?
IGOR
No, Fifteen year old boys, in my experience, are not often thinking with their brains.

PART OF ACT 1 SCENE 2
VAMPIRELLA
Oh you young men are all the same, you expect your mothers to sit quietly at home every night, doing our knitting, while you go flying around teasing the village girls.
VINCENT
Teasing, Mother?
VAMPIRELLA
I know you. You just enjoy making them scream.
VINCENT
They don’t all scream.
VAMPIRELLA
No. I didn’t scream either – well, not for that reason. But what has it got me? Endless life and and nothing to do with it.
VINCENT
There’s your knitting. What are you making?

VAMPIRELLA
A shroud. Another shroud. I have knitted enough shrouds to fill every coffin in the graveyard. I want Excitement, Action, Romance! Or even just someone to talk to!
VINCENT (bored, turns his back on her and inspects his fingernails)
Yes mother.
VAMPIRELLA
Every night you go out. And do you think of your poor mother stuck at home every night?
VINCENT
No mother.
VAMPIRELLA
Do you phone to tell me where you are?
VINCENT
No mother.
VAMPIRELLA
You treat this place like a hotel, you expect your cape pressed, a clean shirt every night – and how you expect me to get the blood stains off I do not know.