Running time approx. 60mins.
A good old-fashioned pantomime with a Dame, a villain, hopeless policemen, a Princess, and lots of other things!
You know that tree that bears a silver nutmeg and a golden pear? Well, it grows in Dingle Dell Nurseries, owned by Dame Dock and her handsome son, William. The Goth King of Subterranea and his pale-but-interesting daughter, Demonia, plan to steal the precious fruit and nut and, while they are at it, kidnap the Princess of Spain, who happens to be visiting. They take her down to their underground kingdom, where their subjects have never seen the sun and are condemned to eternally watch episodes of EastEnders. (Such misery is beyond the comprehension of man!) (Overseas customers may wish to insert a miserable drama from their own television networks). The Princess gets rescued, of course, but expect lots of stupid policemen jokes and frantic chase sequences along the way.
31 SPEAKING PARTS. UNLIMITED NON-SPEAKING BUT SINGING.
Suggested songs:
- I had A Little Nut Tree (Traditional)
- Rose Garden (Lynn Anderson)
- Getting Know You (The King and I, Children’s Chorus)
- I Can Sing A Rainbow (Children’s songs)
- This Old Man (Nick Nack Paddywack) (Traditional)
- It’s Impossible (Perry Como)
- Good Day Sunshine (The Beatles)
Our scripts provide links to backing tracks for the songs, which can be purchased and downloaded for a very modest fee. Our scripts also give full production notes regarding scenery, costumes and props.
NO ROYALTIES, PHOTOCOPYING LICENCE INCLUDED.
Here’s a sample
Part of SCENE 1…
(DAME DOCK enters, in a flustered state)
DAME
William, William, we’ve had a letter! (seeing the audience) Oh hello… hello.
(to WILLIAM) What time do we open the gates of Dingle Dell, William?
WILLIAM
Ten o’clock mother.
DAME
It’s not ten o’clock yet is it?
WILLIAM
No mother.
DAME (pointing to the audience)
Then how did all these people get in?
WILLIAM
I don’t know mother.
DAME
Um, well now they’re here they might as well stay. They might buy lots of plants and things. I’ll just have a few words with them. (To the audience) Good morning everyone (she gets no response) I might as well speak to myself! Try again. Good morning everyone!
AUDIENCE
Good morning!
DAME
That’s better! Now let me introduce myself. I am Dame Dock of Dingle Dell and this is my son William.
WILLIAM
Hello everyone.
DAME
Sweet boy, sweet William. Now I hope you’re all going to enjoy your visit to the nursery. There are lots of things to see, but please don’t pick the flowers. You won’t will you – will you? No, of course you won’t. If you see anybody picking the flowers, you give me a call! You shout out “Dame Dock”! Can you remember that – “Dame Dock”! What have you got to call?
AUDIENCE
Dame Dock!
DAME
Who said Tame Duck? It’s “Dame Dock” you silly pilchards – don’t mess about. Let’s try again shall we, all together now.
AUDIENCE
Dame Dock!
DAME
Mmm. One more try – one… just a mo. (Takes iPod from pocket and puts in earphones) I’ve done this before, I’m not silly… now really give it all you’ve got! One, two, three…
AUDIENCE
DAME DOCK!
DAME (Taking out earphones)
Wonderful, I didn’t hear a thing. Now you won’t forget will you, as soon as anyone picks a flower I want you to call me just like that.
WILLIAM
Mother, what did you want me for?
DAME (indicating the audience)
Weren’t they good? Not too bright but they were good.
WILLIAM
Excellent mother.
DAME
All right, what is it you want to tell me?
WILLIAM
Mother, you wanted to tell me something.
DAME
So I did, silly me.
WILLIAM (exasperated)
Well, what was it mother?
DAME
Oh. Oh yes. I remember, we’ve had a letter.
WILLIAM
Who from, or from whom?!
DAME (to the audience)
Oh he’s so posh! “From whom”. Show off! No, you’re right to be posh,
William, because it’s from the King of Spain!
WILLIAM
The King of Spain? What’s he writing to us for?
DAME
Because he wants his daughter to visit our magic tree.
WILLIAM
The King of Spain’s daughter is going to visit us?
DAME
(Passionate) Yes! Royalty at last!
WILLIAM
Wow, wow! When?
DAME
I didn’t get that far, you read the letter. (Passes it to WILLIAM)
WILLIAM
(Who reads) Bla, bla, bla, Princess Rosina, daughter of the King of Spain will arrive today at twelve o’clock.
DAME
That’s quick.
WILLIAM
Today.
DAME
Very quick.
Part of SCENE 2…
In the same garden.
(Enter the KING of Subterrania and his daughter DEMONIA. They are all dressed in black and have very pale faces. A bit like Goths!)
KING
Come Demonia, the coast is clear, let’s hope we haven’t arrived too late.
DEMONIA
I think not, father. It’s tonight that the magic tree produces its gold and silver fruit.
KING
And then, ha, ha, we will pluck it from the tree and take it back to my underground Kingdom of Subterrania. (Sees audience and sneers) What are you looking at? Haven’t you ever seen pure evil before? Do you find me scary? Well, tough toenails, losers! (Encourages audience to boo him).
DEMONIA
You know father, I rather like it up here. We never see the sun below in Subterrania. And the flowers, such beautiful flowers.
KING
Never mind such things, we must prepare for tonight.
DEMONIA
I think I’ll pick this flower and take it with me.
(The KING stops her)
KING
Not now, not now. There’ll be plenty of time later, you can pick a whole bouquet then.
(They are about to exit as Police Sergeant SAM, Constable KYLE and WPC KELLY enter at the trot with truncheons held up. The KING and DEMONIA hide behind a bush.)
SAM
One, two, one, two, one, two, constabules – halt! Stand at – ease. At ease does not mean collapse, Constable Kyle! Stand up straight!
KYLE
Yes, Sergeant Sam.
SAM
What did I tell you two before we left the station this morning?
KELLY
That we must be smart.
KYLE
That we must be on our best behaviour.
KELLY
We were to be a credit to the force.
KYLE
And not to pick my nose.
SAM (Looking at KYLE with disgust)
I didn’t say that at all!
KYLE
Yes you did Sergeant. Your very words were – and don’t pick your nose.
SAM
Constable Kyle, I made no references whatsoever to any of your nasty personal habits. I said – don’t – nick – a – rose.
KELLY
(To KYLE) I told you he hadn’t seen you do it.
(The KING and DEMONIA try sneaking away)
SAM
(Seeing the KING and DEMONIA) Now then, now then, what do we ‘av ‘ere?
KING
(Aside) Drat, we’ve been seen. But no matter. (To SAM) Good morning to you
Inspector.
SAM
Sergeant sir, Sergeant. If you please. (Points to the stripes on his arm).
KING
Actually we’re out for an early morning stroll and we wandered in here by mistake.
SAM
By mistake sir? This property has a very high fence all the way round it.
KING
Ah.
SAM
Constable Kelly, make a note of this incident in your notebook.
KELLY
Yes, sergeant.
SAM
Get your handcuffs ready Constable Kyle, we made need them.
KYLE
Yes, sergeant.
KING
(Aside) Drat, drat and drat again, the man means to arrest us.
DEMONIA
Sergeant, I think my father is a little confused. We were having a morning stroll and we wandered in with these other people. (Indicates the audience).
SAM
(Looks at the audience in surprise) Goodness gracious me! I hadn’t noticed all these people before! Well I quite understand. Only we’re here on special duty you see and we have to be particularly careful today.
KING
Special duty, what’s special about today?
SAM
Well –
KELLY
Sergeant! (Shakes her head)
SAM
Well sir, it’s a highly confidential police matter.
DEMONIA
(Taking a locket from her neck she swings it in front of SAM to hypnotise him while making eyes at him at the same time) But Sergeant, surely you don’t think we would want you to tell us any secrets.
(SAM moves his head in an exaggerated way, watching the locket.)
KYLE (warning him)
Sergeant Sam…
SAM
(Ignoring KYLE) Of course not, miss.
DEMONIA
Your eyelids are feeling heavy and you want to go to sleep.
SAM
No I don’t, miss. (His eyelids suddenly close and he snores)