Running time approx. 60mins.
Fancy a tale of the high seas, plenty of action, jokes, songs and even cross-dressing? (There is nothing like a Dame…) Then you’ve come to the right place. Join the local idiot, SoSo Notgood, as he enters the house of a rich merchant, Sinbad. Once a ship’s captain, Sinbad has many fantastic stories to tell and his former crew are on hand to re-enact them. This high-octane show has royalty, (2 kings) cannibals (ugh!), carpenters (?), treasure (of course) and shipwrecks (amazing what you can do on a small stage!).
28 SPEAKING PARTS. UNLIMITED NON-SPEAKING/SINGING PARTS.
- Sail On Sailor (Beach Boys)
- I’ll Sail This Ship Alone (Beautiful South)
- Blow the Man Down (The Windjammers)
- Fire Down Below (Hanging Johnny)
- Sailing (Rod Stewart)
- A Sailor went to Sea (Twinkletrax)
- Sailors Hornpipe (traditional)
- Dem Bones (Standard)
- Back in the Saddle Again (Gene Autry)
- It Ain’t what you do it’s the way that you do it (Bananarama)
Our scripts provide links to backing tracks for the songs, which can be purchased and downloaded for a very modest fee. Our scripts also give full production notes regarding scenery, costumes and props.
NO ROYALTIES, PHOTOCOPYING LICENCE INCLUDED.
Click here to show/hide sample
Part of SCENE 1…
Outside the home of the Merchant of Baghdad. If curtains are used, then they should be closed and a single bench placed in front of the curtains. If not, then screens should be placed on stage to hide the next scene. (SEE PRODUCTION NOTES)
Whole cast enter to sing opening song.
SONG 1. SAIL ON SAILOR (Beach Boys)
(Exit all. Enter SO SO.)
SO SO (To audience)
Hello there! My name is So So Notgood. I know! Silly name, eh? Anyway, I’m a sailor. Well, not quite, but going to be, soon. It’s true! I know it’s hard to believe! Mind if I take the weight off my feet and sit on this bench for a few minutes?
(Enter MRS NOTGOOD, SO SO’s mother)
MRS NOTGOOD (shouts, offstage)
So So! Where are you?
(SO SO cowers)
Aargh! It’s my mother!
MRS NOTGOOD (appearing)
Oh, there you are! How long have you been sitting there?
I’ve only just sat down! I’ve not been here long! They’ll tell you!
MRS NOTGOOD (scolding)
I don’t know what I’m going to do with you. When there’s work to be done, you’re nowhere to be found.
Work? But I get tired even thinking about work.
You’re just a lazy, good for nothing layabout.
But I’m sitting! How can I be a (demonstrates by lying back) layabout?
Too clever for your own good, So So Notgood.
What a name! With a surname like Notgood, who’d call a baby So So?
So what are you doing today, So So?
You did nothing much yesterday.
Well I haven’t finished yet.
You’re a waster and a scoundrel! What are you?
SO SO (mumbles)
A waster and a scoundrel.
That’s right. Always wasting your time!
I’m not wasting my time! I’m talking to these good people here.
MRS NOTGOOD (to audience)
Don’t believe a word he says! He tells lies, and that’s the truth. And he steals.
That’s not fair. That was a momentary lapse, that’s all.
They started to call him the Thief of Baghdad.
That wasn’t fair either.
And if you listen to his jokes, you’ll think he was the thief of bad gags!
Well, I’m not up to no good this morning. I’m just talking to the people here.
What have you told them this time?
SO SO (sheepishly)
I told them I was a sailor.
Oh, so you’re a sailor now. Last week, if I remember rightly you were a brain surgeon. The week before that you were an image consultant, whatever that is.
It’s a very important job, an image consultant. They give advice to anyone who wants to improve their image. Anyway, I’ve changed my mind. Now, I’m a sailor.
A sailor? Don’t be so ridiculous! (to audience) Do you know, he gets seasick when he has a bath! Which isn’t often, mind. Don’t come too close!
It’s the water. It moves, it goes all choppy, and I go all queasy. It’s not my fault.
It’s bathwater for goodness sake! So you can forget any notion of becoming a sailor. Now I’m off, there’s work to do. And if you know what’s good for you, you’ll follow on after me.
Part of SCENE 4…
Well, on my first voyage – did I mention I went on seven? Never mind. On my first voyage we sailed the Indian Ocean, and landed on a desert island….
(SINBAD takes the wheel)
The winds getting up! We’re in for a rough time!
Secure the sails! Batten down the hatches!
There’s gonna be a storm, no doubt about it!
(CREW make wind blowing noises.)
Did I mention I get seasick! I don’t feel so well.
Nonsense! It’s all in the mind! The sea was heaving!
(CREW lapse into synchronised swaying)
Ohhhh! I’m not well. I tell you, I’m going to be sick!
Here, take this. (hands SO SO a bucket) Normally we would say just throw up over the side, but there’s the pollution to consider.
SO SO (head in bucket, awful sound of prolonged moaning and retching)
CREW CHORUS (in the style of the Volga Boatmen Chorus)
Yo! Heave Ho! (SO SO makes loud retching noise)
Yo! Heave Ho! (and again)
So So’s seasick, Yo! Heave Ho! (more retching)
I think he’s got a weak stomach!
I’m throwing it as far as I can!
Show him some sympathy!
It’s a joke, Jonah. A joke, stop moaning!
Come back here, So So, and sit by the wheel. What a wimp! If I’d known, I’d never have brought you along. Now I was telling you about my first voyage.
Tell him about the whale!
Don’t spoil the story. I’ll get to the whale all in good time. Now where was I?
The storm. That’s where you’d got to.
The wind blew
(Crew all make wind noises)
It whistled through the rigging
(Crew all make whistling noises)
And the waves? Like this (long, slow arm waving movements copied by crew, then they make a wave crashing sound, like a hiss, and SO SO jumps.)
What was that?