Running time approx. 50mins.
So where to begin? There’s a girl gang called ‘Girls in the Hood’ and Red Riding is a member. Nothing fazes these girls. Word is that some predatory Wolf is in the woods but the ‘Girls’ have got it sorted. The Wolf finds out that Red Riding’s Granny is a bit of a tough customer too. Oh, and there’s a trio of Super Pigs, whose motto is “Fighting for Truth, Justice and the Porcine Way!” (Don’t laugh – they take it very seriously.) All in all, the Wolf is not having a good day. There are lots of laughs, chases and songs – a bit of line dancing, some cross-dressing and a lot of attitude. Is this a pantomime? No, it’s more of a farce!
24 SPEAKING PARTS. UNLIMITED NON-SPEAKING BUT SINGING.
Suggested songs:
- (Opening music) Who’s Afraid of the Big Bad Wolf (Barbara Streisand)
- Teddy Bear’s Picnic (Children’s songs)
- I’ve Been A Bad, Bad, Boy (Paul Jones)
- The Big Pig Song (You Tube)
- That Don’t Impress Me Much (Shania Twain)
- Girls In The Hood Rap (unaccompanied)
- Friendship (from the musical Anything Goes)
- We All Stand Together (Paul McCartney & The Frog Chorus)
Our scripts provide links to backing tracks for the songs, which can be purchased and downloaded for a very modest fee. Our scripts also give full production notes regarding scenery, costumes and props.
NO ROYALTIES, PHOTOCOPYING LICENCE INCLUDED.
Here’s a sample
Part of SCENE 1…MO
Do you think there really was a wolf, Red?
RED
Nah…just one of Jimmy’s “jokes”…
TRISH
But if there was…
RED
Relax Mo, no Wolf is a match for the girls in the hood…
EM
Yeah…
MO
Yeah…
TRISH
I suppose so…
EM (facing the audience, arms raised and stretched out, feet apart)
We are the girls!
RED, TRISH, MO (together, copying EM’s gestures)
The girls!
EM
We are the girls!
RED, TRISH, MO (together)
The girls in the hood!
EM
Who are we?
RED, TRISH, MO (together)
The girls in the hood! Yeah!
(They all jump and resume talking.)
EM
Believe it girl…If a wolf came in here…I’d strangle him with his own tail.
MO
I’d stick his ears in his mouth…
RED
I’d shove his tongue up his nose…
TRISH
I’d…maybe try stroking him…perhaps he’s friendly…
EM
Get real girl…That’s not how we treat predatory wolves. (Movement as before) We are the girls!
ALL (together, gestures as before.)
The girls!
EM
We are the girls!
RED, TRISH, MO (together)
The girls in the hood!
(They all jump and resume talking.)
RED (laughs)
You’re mad Em…
EM
Yep…mad, bad and dangerous to know…
(The girls laugh.)
MO
So…anyway…what’s up?
RED
I’ll tell you what’s up (pause) I’m planning a little… expedition…to the neighbouring village, for a dance and a laugh.
TRISH
Cool…How are we getting there?
RED
We’ll walk of course…
TRISH
Through the woods?
RED
Yeah…of course…It’s miles round otherwise…
TRISH
But…but…
MO
What about the wolf?
RED
Wolf? Trish…Mo…there is no wolf…and anyway, he’d be no match for the (shout) Girls in the Hood!
Part of SCENE 2…
WOLFIE (He sits back on the edge of the stage)
Right…now…back to business…
(The SuperPigs – CRACKLING, SMOKEY and RIND are seen peeking at WOLFIE from the wings, one at a time. They are dressed in tee shirts and jeans. The T shirts have a big P on the chest. During the ensuing speech they all enter and sneak up behind WOLFIE.)
WOLFIE
I’ve got three delicious meals I could have…There’s Red…so young, so tender and her Granny…she might be a bit tough but still…I like a good chew and then that annoying little twerp…what was his name? Seb? Seb? What kind of name is that? Seb? But which first? Which for starters? Which for main course? Which for pudding? Hm (licks lips) I think I’ll go for the Granny first…with any luck the others will come to me…Oh hello (He finally notices the pigs, who by now are towering over him.) Shouldn’t I be sneaking up on you lot? (he rises)
RIND (menacingly)
There are three of us. (RIND gives WOLFIE a shove.)
SMOKEY
And one of you. (SMOKEY gives WOLFIE a shove.)
CRACKLING
So…three’s more than one…I think…so…
RIND
So…We’ve got some questions to ask…
WOLFIE (backing away)
Hang on a minute… Hang on a minute…This isn’t right… Don’t you know anything about fairy stories? I’m the wolf…you’re pigs…I come to you and threaten to blow your houses down and…
RIND
No (pause) that’s all changed…
WOLFIE
Changed? But you…
SMOKEY
We’re not just any old pigs…
CRACKLING
No we’re…aren’t we?
RIND
No…We’re Super Pigs…
CRACKLING
Yes! (jumps, pauses, looks at audience) Are we?
WOLFIE
Super Pigs? What nonsense…
RIND
The name’s Rind…Bacon Rind. We’ve been misunderstood for too long…
SMOKEY
And my name’s Smokey Bacon. It’s time to set the record straight…
CRACKLING
And I’m called Pork Crackling. We’re not stupid…
SMOKEY (looking at CRACKLING)
Well…most of us aren’t…
RIND
(posing) Redefining the pig in nature…
SMOKEY
(posing) Questioning human definitions
RIND
(posing) About what a pig is…
CRACKLING
Ooh…I didn’t know that…
SMOKEY
Fighting for Truth, Justice and the Porcine way…
WOLFIE
The what?
RIND
Bringing safety and security to all pig kind…
SMOKEY (shoves WOLFIE)
Now what was that you said…about blowing houses down?
RIND (shoves WOLFIE)
You weren’t thinking of huffing and puffing by any chance…
CRACKLING (aside)
I built my house of straw…
RIND (to CRACKLING)
We’ll re-educate you, Crackling…
SMOKEY
So Mr Wolf…What have you got to say for yourself now?